Get ready, the word is scary, so I'm putting it in a less threatening color:
Suicide.
Alright. Now don't freak out on me for thinking this, I am very much entitled to my own opinion.
Here we go.
Suicide. Fuck its a scary thing. To think, the amount of courage someone needs to actually pull the trigger, or knowingly take the pills, or kick away that little stool.
But is it courage? Really? Because I think its more like very strong cowardice, selfishness, and a pinch of crazy.
Think about it people: Everyone has someone, some animal, maybe even a pet rock that cares for their existence.
EVEN HOLDEN CAULIFIELD had Phoebe! And that dude is really hard to like.
Now think right now, if YOU killed yourself right now. Yes, you. I'm pointing at you right now, turn around.
Hahahaha.. just kidding I'm not.
But seriously, think about it. Think what would happen if you pulled the trigger right NOW.
Who would be affected?
Now let's set up some different scenarios here:
You pull the trigger. Your mom comes into your bedroom later to check on you now that she's home from work, since your her baby and she loves you so much. Not to mention, you didn't answer when she knocked. She sees you, and just falls. Like her knees gave out, and she has no strength left to do anything but cry. Weakly, she moves herself to your head. Holds it in her hands, stroking your hair and sobbing.
Wow. I don't even want to talk about that one anymore.
But what if you don't live with your mom, or this is unrealistic for you? Let's try again.
You swallow every last pill. Your little sister, only a few years younger than you (lets say four years younger) realizes you haven't talked to her since you got home from school and is worried already. She's noticed you shrinking into yourself lately, more so than you usually are. When Mommy and Daddy were fighting last night she came into your room because she was scared, and you just told her to ignore it and go to bed when usually you would have helped her believe everything would be okay. She presses a little ear to your door and hears nothing, her little heart beats harder. She opens the door slowly, in case your doing something quiet so you have time to tell her to close the door, and sees you lying in your bed, staring at the ceiling. Unseeingly. She calls out your name, no response. She walks over to you and takes your hand. Its cold. She looks into your eyes and sees vacancy. Her heart breaks visibly as tears roll down her cheeks, and she closes your eyes with her fingertips, always more mature than she should have to be, always making sure you were okay as long as herself.
Sorry, that one was more detailed. But I have a little sister. And while "mommy and daddy" don't fight since my dad left, I have to take care of my sister almost like a daughter.
But just think. Even if you can't relate to either scenario, imagine your dog without you. Your cat, even your fish or snake or hamster or something.
Why would you want to hurt any of them, unless you were too terrified to realize this time would pass and just to keep your head up, or maybe you wanted them to cry over your cold body?
These people just give up. On everyone.
I don't have anyone close to me that has killed themselves, so I'm not sure my opinion is as heartfelt as it should be, seeing as it is kind of harsh and blameful. But I've seen what suicide has done to others, and its heart breaking.
I'm sorry if you disagree with what I think, but please don't try to tell me off or explain to me why you're right and I'm wrong.
Just take into account my thoughts, maybe you agree.
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